Jan 10 2006

It's just the wind. But it's freakin scary.

When we got a house, I figured it would be a good idea to get an alarm. Last night, it went off as we slept.

I was asleep for just about an hour when Deena shook me awake, "WHAT'S THAT? Do you hear that??"

It was just the warning beeps at this point, saying that a door has been opened, and you've got 30 secs before a 120 decibal siren bores a hole into your brain. I, having only attained an hour of sleep and in a state of near total disorientation, ran downstairs buck naked praying that I could disable it in time. I couldn't. The alarm went off above my head as I frantically punched in the code.

I would have wet my pants if I was wearing any.

So, now the alarm has been successfully disabled, and I start to rub my eyes and gather my thoughts.

  • I'm really tired.
  • That really sucked.
  • Hey, wait a sec... why did the alarm go off anyway?
  • The alarm says it's the garage -> house entry door!
  • Holy shit, yeah! It's totally wide open! At this point, I am suddenly and completely gripped with fear. I'm still totally unclothed. The house is dark. I just disabled the alarm. And there could potentially be someone down here with me.

Ok, order of business number one: At least put on some boxers. That would also get me back upstairs, where I am at least halfway safe, and I can regroup. Naia was sleeping on the floor in our room, so we're all together at least.

Boxers on. I pick up the phone to check if I have a dial tone. (I always have thought that if I was going to rob a house, I'd totally be snipping phone from the outside first. Oh come on, you've thought about it too, don't look at me like that. I sleep with my cell because - yeah, I'm really that paranoid/prepared.) I have a dial tone on the house phone. Okay, cool. I pat myself on the back for re-wiring half the house with x-10, and remotely turn on every light I can in the house from the bedroom.

Then I stand at the top of the stairs and wait. What am I waiting for? I have no idea. A noise? Something to let me know if someone is there or not? A deranged crackhead to come out from the base of the stairs and say "hello, sorry I broke into your house, I'll just let myself out. Have a good night?" I stand like this for a few minutes, trying to decide what to do, when Deena reminds me that it is totally stormy outside, and that she maybe didn't close the door tightly to the garage before she went to bed.

So I go downstairs, and begin looking around every corner in each room. I close the garage door tightly. My heart is about to jump out of my chest this entire time, cause hey - I thought it's still possible that someone might jump out at me. Nope. Nothin. Nobody. Deena was right. So, I turn everything back off, and go back to bed. Unfortunately, now I've got an adrenaline high like you wouldn't believe, and I proceed to stare at the ceiling for the next 2 and a half hours.

During this time, I made some decisions about how that could have gone better.

  • Let the freaking alarm go off. That's the point of it, to scare someone away. the goal isn't to get it turned off as quickly as possible.
  • x-10 is good. Do the rest of the damn house with it. Maybe the outside flood lights too.
  • I need a weapon upstairs. If I ever have to play hide and seek with an imaginary intruder again, at least I'll feel better about it if I'm carrying a big stick. I think an aluminum baseball bat would do nicely. (No, I'm not going to ever own a gun. As much fun as they are to shoot, I have a kid, and the required lockdown and separation of bullets from gun would automatically disqualify it as anything useful in an emergency situation.)
  • I should really start wearing boxers or pajama bottoms to bed. Naked homeowner with a baseball bat is probably not very intimidating, and it would look really bad on COPS.

I'm really tired today.